Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Controled Burn

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh downtime.

I am looking forward to it. Technicaly I have been busting my bronze ass since Febuary 07. Its good to take a break....I didn't think so before, but now I feel the creative juices flowing again; I feel the muse and her gossemer embrace. She whispers in my ear things that no mortal can see. She takes me beyond the veil of this 3-D illusion and shows me other worlds, other people who need their stories told. And its all good. All love. And that old fire is back again. She does more for me than a woman of flesh and bone. Believe me...I am all about dirty,sweaty, slapping uglies. But with her its something more. I dance with her in a cosmic waltz, tripping over the light fantastic.

Controled burns are done in highly wooded areas to clear deadwood....Soulwise it means getting rid of what we don't need, comming to terms with what we thought we wanted. And now, having time enough at last. I remember that time is the fire in which we burn. And I light up like a Roman Candle as I bathe in her light.

Till next time my friends.

We've only got 120 Minuets to save the world!

You know, after my rant last night....The very moment I hit "Post" on my blog; the universe decided to bitch slap me with the Indigo Girls video "Closer I am to Fine". (Syncronicity is Gods way of letting you know She's listening). Guess I deserved it.And I WAS watching 120minuets on VH1 Classic.(every Sunday night) The universes gentle reminder to focus on the Light and not the dark. "and the less I seek my source for some definitive...." You know the rest kids.
The Light. When people talk about The Light and the power therin....I can't help but think how much I hate that "airy-fairy" bullshit. My personal approach would be more proactive. First ...I'd need Marty McFly's Delorian. Oh yeah....Time Travel....thought ya knew.

Hmmmmm....Nope While the Delorian is flashy, and a classic to boot. I need a something a little more subtle. I got it! Quantum Leaping! Granted I tip my hat to Dr. Samuel Becket and his time-hopping holo-buddy Al. I would do things that would impact history. Like leap into the lead car of the paparatzi bastards who chased Princess Diana to her death; I would take the lead car and block the rest...and maybe she and Dodi would have gotten away.
I would try to save Michael Jackson from himself. I would go back to 1984, right before the Grammys and leap into someone he would listen to....Liz Taylor!

"Michael now Michael listen to me...You are taking Emanual Lewis and Brooke Shields to the Grammys...Now Micheal you know that its wrong to keep a child out past his bedtime...Leave him with his parents. Now that long, lean Calvin Cline jean wearing vixen is all over you. Try it ....it will change your life young man...and I noticed you looking at skin bleaching. Michael you are beautiful just the way you are...please dont do it. I (Liz ) would hug the would be king of pop. and say"you'll thank me in the 90's.

Next I have to be a little mean on this one. December 8,1980. Dakota hotel NYC. I leap into the doorman and grab that chubby little pissant Mark Chapman. Having already taken his weapon (foreknowlege rules) I would beat him within an inch of his miserable life, unload the pistol into the air, and call the cops...recomending a psychward because this guy said he was gonna kill John Lennon. Once John shows up I tell him to shine on. And then I leap.

Of course I am telling these stories as if I had control over where I leaped (Sam didn't) But if a person DID have control. Lets just say that The Saints would have won the Superbowl in 07. All my winnings going to charity...All of them ...realy :)

Existential Meltdown: Part Deux

We have been programed for fear and hardwired for imprisonment in a dogmatic belief system with black iron bars that we can't even see. A system that tells us if we color outside the lines or think outside the box they placed us in. We can lookforward to burning and tourture and agony for all eternity.

Well smack my ass and call me Suzy! Now THAT'S Divine Love right there....Fuckin' sign me up right now!!

But whos to say that our picture of God is definitely different from most others One God many faces. I advise you to research and decide for yourself. Its the best way and you avoid the danger of giving your power away. Search for yourself.

That old Indigo Girls song just poped into my head "Closer I am to Fine"
The reason I have been wondering about such things is that I have been pondering the right to life. No this has nothing to do with a fetus. I'm talking about the power to take our own lives if we saw fit.

Tibetian monks have set themselves ablaze to protest Chinese occupation. Hell some people here in the U.S. set themselves on fire protesting this war. EMTs are getting a lot more DNR orders (do not recessutate) and are powerless to do anything about it.
People are leaving the planet in droves; wheather by accident or choice. I just wonder is it our place to stop them?

If someone wants out of the illusion, this game, whatever it is I say go for it...Unless you have kids. Then its your responsibility to stay in, what some would call "a world of Piss"

Hey kids Space/Time continuim fucking with your CHI? The Illusion of Duality getting you down. Sick and tired of being sick and tired on a Galactic Scale well heres what you do ...you GET THE FUCK OUT!!!! By plane, train, automoble,speeding bullet or auto-erotic-axphixiation. Heres some possibility for you...what if religion were all an illusion, one thats been going on for years and kept us in line and taken a shitload of money.......Just a thought.
Me, I'm staying around till 2012 . Going to a hell of a party and I must admit that I will get a kick out of the masses making asses of themselves by paniking and all :)

Right now I'm feeling like NEO after the e red pill. Kansas is goin bye-bye. Is the chair realy a chair or just molicules spinning so slowly that they appear solid.

Is that cat in the box dead?

And are we living in soul machines...or cages for our soul?

Existential Meltdown

Sting sang of soul cages

Tori Amos sang that its an empty cage if you kill the bird

We kill each other over resources and religion, I think that it all started at the tower of Babel. The Christians have there version of the story. And the ancient Summarians have theirs . So who ya gonna believe the guys who wrote the tale who were from there. Or a guy who got together with other guys in Niciea and decided that all of these stories should be in the bible, and all agreed, That is until A certain King needed a divorce and demanded a re-write.

More Later

Syncronicity & DVR

Syncronicity and DVR Current mood: artistic Category: Life

I was doing homework and watching tv. ( Yeah like you dont do it ) Not that Psych 101 was not interesting enough, I decided to breeze though the channels and I saw a familiar title on Ovation( an arts channel that I was unaware of until today): "Where the Buffalo Roam" Its A Biopic about Hunter S. Thompson and his rise to fame. Being a fan of the father of Gonzo and his long strange trips, I decided though the magic of DVR I can record this and watch it later, much like a leapord kills its prey and take it into a tree to eat at twilight. But being that it was 5pm it was close enougth to twilight for me. So I recorded it and cruised the cathode ray highway some more. On Comedy Central they were showing Futurama, the title of this episode was "Where the Buggalo Rome" Nothing to do with Hunter S; the episode was the one where Amy takes Kif to meet her parents on Mars, They are Buggalo ranchers. These are giant ladybugs. It makes me wonder if it was just coincidence OR do the programers watch Ovation and thought it would be a cool thing and see if anyone noticed( I like to think it was THAT) or the networks are owned by the same parent company. I thought this was pretty groovy and finished up my homework. I resumed watching Buffalo, Decided to check MySpace I noticed that one of my favorite people in THIS galaxy posted a new blog. Its called "Human Torches" The moment I clicked on the title A comercial came on talking about a movie coming on tomorrow night called "Day of Wrath" ...The first line of the ad the announcer pants with breathless abandon: ' a woman punished for her ideas' The screen flashes on an elderly woman being burned at the stake. Hannahs blog was about monks being put to death in the same manner. (Check out her site. She writes her own songs, and they are awesome). I would write more but I have a busy day tomorrow. Right now I am going to watch Battlestar Galactica and drift off to dreamland ....dreaming of Kara "Starbuck"Thrace. She Frakin rocks! Later....But sooner than you think.

Ordinary Madness

Its been a long, strange trip........
Sorry I've been away so long. I've been on leave, recovering from my surgery. Since I was given industrial strength pain killers I have been asleep for the past ten or so days. The tumor was benign; something called a pleomorphic adenoma It pops up in the parotid gland. At the rate it was growing,my doctor said that it could very well go malignant if not extracted now. My doctor was awsome ,she was the most competent and caring physician I have ever met and took great care of me. My orders were to rest and far be it for me to argue with a Major ;)
So after resting up and having the coolest dreams, I'm back. I made my Top Secret Candied Yams for the Thanksgiving party I went to. I am not one to brag, but they're pretty bad-assed. They were a hit. It was good to just chill with friends.
But about those dreams.Mix one part pain killers with my strange psyche and you have a recipie for a dreamscape that would have Jung and Leary green with envy. Hell as trippy as it got out there I think I might have talked to them. Phillip K. Dick and Sidhardtha too. I have this thing called Synesthesia...simply put its the ultimate cross-wiring of the senses; When I taste something it translates into pictures, (its SO much fun with wine) numbers have colors. It can be realy groovy. So the world was a nice cool blue as I slept.
Somewhere in between contemplating the nature of reality and playing out superpowered fantasys: Yes ...THAT dream I will call "Uncanny X-League of America Unlimited" Followed by the sequel "Infinite Midlife Crisis on Infinite Earths" I realized just how blessed I was. All better just in time to watch D.C. comics destrory the universe...again.
The tumor that they took out kind of pops up unwaranted in most people. Its the perfect symbol for the "shit happens" rule, right there with airplane engine that falls into your house and the black fly in your chardonay. Diet may have a slight factor in it. I had quit smoking a while ago:3 years this Christmas. But I used to smoke at least two packs a day. Other bad habits are the amount of red meat I eat: A LOT.
The nature of life is to change, to grow, and if we are lucky learn something new and, I dare say it, evolve. The new is not neccessarily "bad" So I've decided to slowly ease myself into a Vegetarian diet. I did a little research and for my blood type I would benefit most from going green. And the good news is I don't miss out on 2 of my favorite things...Wine and Wheat beer. Hmmm, a nice Hefewizen does sound good right about now.
Lets see....going back to college for the first time in years, dodging a bullet, and the road of life in front of me....Time to Evolve.
Remember. The mystery is what makes it fun...and the unknown is nothing but a new adventure.
Later.@->--->--->-------------

Night of the Living Tumor

The Gods watch out for fools....No one can attest to that more than I. And I have to view some things with a since of humor. If you don't, you just go crazy...crazy in a bad way. I felt the need to get this off my chest to come to terms with it. One more way to stare down fear and punch it in the face.

I have been stationed at Fort Sam Houston,TX for almost a year now, I love it there; Its one of the top Medical training facilities in the U.S. Its in the heart of San Antonio, a city I've had a wild love affair with. And I have been getting some of the best training in the world in the field of Patient Administration.

The only down side to San Antonio is all the allergens. I have been living in a desert environment for the last few years; so suddenly going from High Desert country to swampy Ft Benning,Ga (for Basic Training) to San Antonio, a place that could be classified as a rainforest. Needless to say it wrecked havoc on my sinuses. I was going to the doctor a lot for sinus infections.

Heres where my tale begins.

I was being checked out by one of the Docs at the TMC (Troop Medical Center to you). The usual exam for allergys, checking the nose and throat yadda yadda yada. I thought I would just get told to take my antibiotics, drink water and drive on....
"Whats this"? the Doctor asked, he pointed to something under my left ear.
There was a small lump there...under the skin, a little larger than a dime...It was round like a pinball. I really didn't notice it before....With all the lovely PT I've been doing I had at that point lost sixty pounds. The Doc set up an appointment for a CT scan of my head and neck. He would not say what it could have been; in his profesionalism he did'nt want me to panic. But I've hung around hospitals enough to know what getting a CT scan could mean ...and what they were looking for.

Cancer.....

Commence panic mode!

I was told to go to BAMC (Brooke Army Medical Center: in the Army we have acronyms for everything) I sat in the waiting room, trying to still my mind and calm down. The solder sitting next to me had been to The Sandbox twice. She had had a lump removed from her breast a while back and was getting a scan to see if she was cancer free. Her eyes glittered like clear,blue dimonds. She told me that I was lucky that they found it on a random check up. And, IF I had Cancer it was not a death sentence. She was living proof; and by talking to her I knew this Warrior Woman had a strength and resolve to handle anything. She made me think of Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and War.

They called my name and I stood up, bidding my friend farewell.

"Remember Nietzsche". she said

" Nietzsche"?

"Yes" she smiled ... "what does not kill you, makes you stronger".

They called her name, she stood and shook my hand "Here goes everything". she said with a wry smile and a wink. She went one way down the hall and I went another. (And wherever you are I hope things turned out ok and thank you for being there)
I went down the hall for my tango with destiny. Hmmm, tango with destiny. Sounds like something you would see on the cover of one of those romance novels. Well Fabio wasn't at this party (thankfully).

I am short on time...and I will finish this later tonight.

Only Sometimes

Ah love....
Sometimes I wonder what its all for. Only sometimes
I am a guy who has love and lost several times. Its a part of life, like the ebb and flow of the tides. Inevitably we all catch it;there is no escaping it, its insidious and bubbley, just like root beer. And if you drink enough root beer; according to a Cardassian taylor I once knew, you will get heartburn.
I know this from experiance. And the bubbles in my drink have been many. From posessive control freaks to shrinking violets. Junkies and Jezebells, far-right-wing-nuts to glassy-eyed cult babes. They have all sat at my table, I don't judge them; I'm past all that. Now I just feel sorry for them.
Sometimes I think that I don't need it. And I don't. I am too focused on what I want right now; school, carreer, retirement, my never ending quest to gain superpowers (Heat vision would be awsome and would be great for roasting smores) I am too busy to focus on a relationship now. My life right now is like a bullet train; It is only going one way. And the way I view it is you can be on this train or not, because it won't stop.
But then it would be nice to have someone to share your victories and even your defeats. To be by your side through good or ill. Someone to grow old with and drink margaritas with as you watch the sun set into twilight from the back porch. Someone who tells you when you are wrong, but they still have your back. Someone who helps you hide the bodies,and who will help you carve a soup bowl from the skull of your enemy.
Sorry about that last image...I have an inner Conan the Barbarian that likes to pop his horned head out every now and again. I digress. Because I am a busy man and the train won't stop, I don't have time enough for love (and I envy Lazerus Long) But sometimes....on very rare occasions....I wish someone were going my way.
.....but, for now, only sometimes.
Tune in next time..........

The leap home

Sometimes I feel like the Quantum Leap guy.
You remember the show. Dr. Sam Beckett had a bad trip with a Quantum accellerator and finds himself leaping back and forth within his own lifetime; inhabiting another persons body or "space". He finds that he has to change history while he is there; 'to put right what was once made wrong', otherwise he is stuck there. Once the problem was solved and balace restored he would "leap" off to the next adventure, the next life, 'hoping the next leap would be the leap home'.
It kind of ups the antie on that whole Karma thing, and prooves that Scott Bacula is more effective than Superman any day.
Loved that show. It was good TV. Before the glut of reality shows with vapid, plastic twenty-somethings selling their souls for a buck and sucking in viewers like a Hoover from hell (He/She is a souless fuck but my God they're pretty) But thats another discussion. I recently found myself in limbo, wating for the next wave in my life and I found that stepping outside of myself and helping others helps me. I don't run around looking to save people; I've got enough shit to do on my own. The situations just tend to present themselves (usually when I am trying to get to my coffie, damnit) But I think that if you have a chance to change things for the better you should take it.
Later

I call Bullshit

I will never cease to be amazed by peoples arrogance. I have met people with degrees and doctorates who know alot about very little; because maybe having a major in a paticular subject only seeks to narrow your scope. I think that the worlds problems all boil down to ego. We worry about how people view us and how we can make our mark and be individuals. The times-old quest for self actualization. Its why people try to buy things they will never own; like timeshares.
Its why people buy the latest self help book, Its why people follow gurus and give their power away to the wizard; never thinking once to pay attention to the jackass behind the curtain. Its why people go to seminars and listen to someone else tell them how to "live powerfully" and how to "get it" Well my friends, "IT" is bullshit served up with sparklies on top to make it look like shinola...but its still bullshit. Big fat corrupt corperate bullshit with a shiny happy psedo-enlightened face.
What I'm saying here folks is the only answers you are going to get about life, the universe, and everything is from within. Look to yourself : You have everything you need. Except for alcohol...I don't have that right now...I think I will go get some.
More later

Monday, October 6, 2008

When the Quantum Bomb Drops

At times I used to wonder why we are here. If its the question that drives us, what will we do with the answer?

Well, we won't be exploring that in THIS blog. In fact, this is a blog about nothing.

We are sparks of infinite energy that burn brightly on borrowed time, strutting and fretting across the stage in a costume of flesh that is so convincing that we sometimes forget our true nature and think that our life here is all there is. Our whole lives is a search for meaning a reason to be here. Some find ith through religion, through service to others or more hedonistic pursuits. and in each case they are all right , because the truth is quite subjective.

I have since childhood questioned everything. Doesnt make me special, just curious. I think that our curiosity is what marks us as a species. We have explored nearly everything about ourselves and our world, even mapping the human genome to learn how to make a better "us".
Across the sea someone is smashing atoms together in hopes of cracking them open to see what goodies lie inside. And in this world where someday silicon itself may be obsolete I wonder whats next.

At the same time there are people who belive that the world is only 8,000 years old, that the creators of the Large Hadron Collider are going to destroy the Earth, and that all our problems would be solved by drinking a crude oil smoothie. There's an undeclared war on science and progress fueled by fear, masking itself as faith. It is our nature as humans to learn, change and evoulve. And we are at a crossroads and our greatest discoveries are yet to come, a quantum bomb of advancement. We can either choose to ride this wave or swim back to shore with out wetsuited tail between our legs. We will discuss that, love, life, comics, culture, science and the spirit. All these things interest me; and writing about them is the best way to learn and explore them. This is a blog about nothing. And in a quantum world that could mean that its about everything.

I hope to see you again soon.

Romy Astrovick